I just watched Tyra and the topic was about Parents speaking to their kids about sex, and I just realized how important a topic it is. Being Nigerian I know my parents didn’t talk to me about nothing, infact I would have killed myself if my mother or father made any such moves. I cannot even relegate this topic to only American teenagers because Nigerian kids these days are running wild.
Sometimes I feel matronly with my opinions but its just the daggone truth, why are these kids in such a rush?
In high school I definitely experienced all that sex pressure being a "babe" and all lol, but please my self esteem was so high that I knew no idiot, in the words of kanye, could tell me NOTHING! and that’s what these kids LACK, its all a matter of having a strong sense of self and being strong enough to say NO if the pressure arises. These young adults are so afraid that’ so so so and so boy would dump them if they don’t have sex, which unfortunately is the truth lol. Step your game up and realise you can do better than that douchebag!
I dated a boy once in high school who was extremely HOT and popular(that’s so important in high school YEECH!) and he was like 2 yrs older than me, and I likkkkkkked him more than I liked any other boy I had ever dated, infact he was the first dude I ever kissed aww, I liked him die and we had been dating him on and off for a coupla years (whilst dating my steady boyfriend lol..yeah boo i cheated on you) and he gave me this really *special*, going away present, which you could also call an ultimatum... the eve of my journey to yanks for school.
hmmm... let me see...How did he phrase it again?
Sexy Stupid Ex, " We have been dating for blah blah blah years and we haven’t had sex, Doreen, its obvious you don’t like me, if you liked me you would have sex with me tonight before you leave, I have been patient with you, and I just think "dramatic pause" that its unfair to me and I want to be your first, and if I cant then I don’t want to be with you?"….
>insert my stunned silence….like really??, how wonderful for you!...
so I replied politely "fuck you and have a great day" and left….
Several ignored phone calls, and emails later I decided to accept his stupid ass apology. STUPID!
I think I was grounded cause of my older sisters who were so cool and wise and wicked, after being privy to their jist which mostly comprised of dissing stupid loose girls in their sets I just knew I couldn’t be stupid too. True talk. I knew people whose older sisters had very stank reputations and like clock work they turned out skank, that’s mostly the way the story goes, then again you could be the hot potato in your family and get attention from boys and go crazy. Endless Scenarios.
In high school I was invited to share in nasty gossip and I remember wondering why everyone felt the need to top each others raunchy gossip, what is this pressure? What is this need to appear cool to your peers? Its was so annoying then and its still annoying today -You know who you are! please stop telling me your nasty lil jist, keep it between you and baby, or boo boo. I DONT CARE to imagine your boyfriend in the throes of passion, unless you are dating will demps, then we could both probably describe him in his threos okayyyyyyyyyyyy! (yup! that means we would be secret lovers, for those who are slow)..
Last summer out of the goodness of my heart and brokenness of my pockets I decided to intern in a good will company as a counselor for young adults from low income families.
Let me just say, THAT, it was a very very horrible and difficult experience for the shallow Doreen, but that’s a story for another day lol.
Anyway, It was so hard to get through to these teenagers because they had experienced so much, Insert > crack head momsis and baby daddies in jail, OH MY!
Luckily/ unluckily for me, I was also their dance instructor for their end of year program (which was hot, I am so talented someone give me a star!) –
Naturally when you work with people...sorry... Yell at people, which is what usually happens when you are a dance coordinator, you become buddies, the young ladies felt comfortable telling me EVERYTHING... see jist... MI GAWD I was practically a new born baby in their midst. These kids were ranging from 11 – 16 and they were so wise sexually! A couple of them hadn’t had sex ..but... the SHAME in which the admitted it and the way the other girls laughed at them, which prompted them to quickly say "oh but I have definitely had oral sex" to try and tone down their virgin status, made me realize that the world needs to just hurry up and end because things are just getting WORST (and I said worst on purpose k). When it becomes a stigma for 14 year old girls to still be virgins, you know things are getting rather ridiculous. damn.
All in all, I tried to make them realize that its okay to wait, chill, stop rushing , stop letting boys do whatever and leave them hanging, stop, at least till you are 16 – who am I kidding – 18! - I mean I tried to talk to these kids but I knew noone was listening.
These children were already so tainted by their life experiences that I just knew nothing I said would stick, they have heard it all before from other counselors, life is not a Disney movie and I could not be the heroic counselor who saved them from getting pregnant at 15.
I Think young adults are so vulnerable and they just desperately want to connect with someone. They want to be in the so called "IN- CROWD", they want the cool boy to like them, and they are willing to walk in shoes bigger than their feet. sad. To think how Akward(i cannot spell this word so dont judge me) teenage young boys are, its funny that they have so much POWER over these young ladies - infact thinking about it, teenage boys know how to give SINCERE raps men, they chase you, with tears in their eyes lol and their daddies money in their wallet...eya so cute!
On a very perplexed note, I have no idea where I am going to raise my kids, America preaches freedom of expression, which is NOT GOING TO HAPPEN, you shall DO AS I SAY, as far as i am concerned, Oh hell nah!... I hate peer pressure, I really don’t want any stupid"free thinking" friend trying to influence my kids because I will fuck that friend up lol!..
I love how my parents raised me, I just always felt ...invincible, no peer pressure, no nothing, people say I am arrogant but I am just extra – confident, and I think it’s a blessing, one thing I know For sure is, If i raise my kids in lagos, I am not sending my children to Vivian fowler.! Yes I am a hater LOL, VF girls I am sorry… but your school breeds hoes! HAHAHAH!...i keed...very slightly( AND NO, A VF GIRL DID NOT STEAL MY BOYFRIEND lol.)
On an ending note, hold a conversation with your younger sister, your niece or your future daughter. It is very important to raise your children with a high self esteem and with a mind of her own. The ability to make the right decision is the most empowering trait a woman could have.
Whew* shortest blog i ever wrote lol!